What up?
In light of the tragic events in Haiti, all this craptastic nonsense seems mighty minute, don't it? They say the best medicine for pain is laughter, so here's hoping a little healing is promoted from the inane stupidity that's about to transpire on this very page.
Guh-Guh-GLOBES!
Because I appreciate the fact that you're too fucking BUSY, here's my abbreviated recap of the Globes in a few words or less:
Freshly Fucked In The Pantry Of The Beverly Hilton
Miss Golden Globes
Tragic Project Runway Runner-Up
Too Rich To Give A Shit
From B to DDD (Dumb, Dumb, Douche)
Photo: People
After months of anonymity due to a worldwide media ban, Heidi Montag went and scored herself a mag cover by rearranging her face and embarking on a miraculous transformation that took her from dumb to dumber this week.
What I find very funny is, titties and blow out aside, I couldn't see a fuck bit of difference in this pic, but when I recently wrote about it for
MomLogic and saw the
Extra video -- WHOA. Behold Lady Plasticine -- the next drag star!
All I know is, for $30k, I better look like fucking Salma Hayek by the time I check my ass out of the recovery wing of The Four Seasons or I'm disemboweling the surgeon with a butter knife. SERIOUS.
And now for THE BEST thing I've seen in a while...
If you can only click on one thing in the entirety of this entry, you MUST see this. A saintly woman records her husbands nocturnal emissions of the verbal variety, and records them for us all to enjoy. Some choice quotes include:
"Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty fucker."
"Just look at yourself. Yeah, now look at me. You don't stand a chance. It must suck to be you, I'm sure."
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
"I am awe-some. Deal with it fucker!"
The Rad Dad and I spent a strong hour buckled over in tears after reading this crazy fuck's rants.
Enjoy!
Momma Love On The Four Train
Now that's some momma love for you right there.
Personally, I'm sure her mother envisions a more sanitary mast and ass-ectomy. Many thanks to my boy at
Fart On Tits for this priceless gem!
Stupid Items Of The Week
Is Your Man Unruly?
Or just plain out of the closet? Please join me in homage to
The Mangroomer, an easy-to-use manscaper that will prevent those errant man hairs from shedding onto your smooth parts! They even make a backshaver!
Many thanks to @Angelsauce for bringing this handy little item to my attention!
But wait! There's MORE! A little something for us gals. This one comes courtesy of Ms. Candice, who I can always rely on for such small trinkets of joy.
Because Girls Should Wear Pink
Have your girl parts turned you into a lover of another color? Well, fear no more! My New Pink Button is a patent pending formula was designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician (whatever the fuck that is -- a beaver weaver perhaps?) to end all undue suffering due to genital color loss. Now there is a solution! Available now in "Marilyn," "Ginger," and "Audry!"
Sounds like a genius feminist blog name to me! Can't you see it now?
Anywho, if this dye job holds your interest even in the wee-weeist bit, be sure and read the side effects warning will you?
Speaking of blogs....
Thanks for voting!
I was informed last week that this here blog, The Mad Mom, was nominated as one of the unknowns on Babble's Best Mommy Blog list. I started out strong at number three, but am now getting my ass handed to me by people who go by "Mrs. Flinger," "Uppercase Woman," and "Dear Baby." This doesn't sit well with me.
Whatevs. I've some lovely news to report...
MomLogic and I -- we put a ring on it. I'm very proud to announce that I'm now the East Coast Editor of said website and am having myself a grand old time. Just last week, I got to interview Scout & Bill, Tori Spelling's Guncs from Home Sweet Hollywood. LURVE! Also got to interview Bethenny Frankel from Real Housewives of New York. Let the good times ROLL!
Signing off! MUAH!
xo
The Mad Mom
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