Just returned from a quick n' dirty trip back to my hometown of Boston to finally meet my girl Candle's gorge baby boy and check in with my old cronies at the WBCN Reunion at the Paradise in Boston. I felt honored to be included, not just because my bud Gina was part of the team that put this shizz together, but because the place wasn't exactly crawling with former interns - just a handful of us who'd been there for a bunch of years and somehow wound up on the payroll.
Mind you, I did my time there exactly half my life ago and plenty much has transpired over the last twenty years. When I worked there, my admired superiors were closing in on my current age. You do the math.
I was too busy gabbing to do much snapping, but the marquee summed it up: Private Party (How does it feel to want?)
Photo: Larry Bruce/Boston Herald
And yes, I was that asshole who walked around flashing pix of my kids on my BBerry. So incredibly trite, I know. But what kind of bitch would I be if I didn't? They're my two greatest accomplishments, so long as they see fit to refit my dentures now and again. Of course, there were the few that knew me back then who needed a second to wrap their minds around the fact that a former stoner-go-lightly like me was actually responsible for the feeding and watering of two cute living, breathing creatures. I forgave this, because I occasionally need a few seconds to reabsorb that juicy little factoid myself.
A Little Amuse Douche?
Some of you were inquiring about an addendum to Douche Redux, my post that pondered the douche slang revival and examines the correct use of the term. There indeed has been a significant resurgence of douchetastic behavior as of late, and thus the Douche List warrants a revisit.
Kanye West
Unless you're residing at the bottom of the East River, you're fully schooled on the whole Kanye jumping on stage and raping Taylor Swift's winning moment by now.
This ultimate act of high-douchery catapults him beyond the realm of douche into DINK territory. Because we all know a teeny weeny peenie is far worse than a clean vadge.
Photo: Chris Polk/ Getty Images
Khloe Kardashian - My sweet Armo sister, I kinda dig your outspoken style. You do seem to be the most conscious of the Kardashian family at any given time. And your man is a cutie pie.
But to marry a dude after a month of dating is quite the fi-douchiary maneuver. Haskadzah.
Photo: Kevin Winter/ Getty Images
The Hills Cast
Now, grab a seat because this douchetastic nugget will cause your cooch to close and bacteria-laced vinegar and water to flow from your ears. Check out just how much these ne'er-do-nothings cash in per episode (courtesy of DListed) while we squirrels scrounge for a nut:
Lauren Conrad - $125,000
Kristen Cavalleri - $90,000
Heidi Montag - $100,000 and a record contract!
Audrina Partridge - $100,000
and our own Summer's Eve special Spencer Pratt - rakes in $65,000 per episode. Now if you'll excuse me, I must gargle bile.
Photo: DListed
Sarah Palin
Hey all you Joe six-packs out there! Guess what? I've got a new book comin' out for ya' that'll tell ya' how it feels to go rogue. And it's called "Goin' Rogue: An American Life!"
My editor said that putting a "g" at the end of "going" would make more of those smarty-pants liberals buy it, but I told her all those Joe six-packs out there don't say, goin"gh" they say "goin'."
Besides it's more rogue if you do it different. But who cares, right? It's a book. I wrote a book. And I did it in four months, triple-spaced. Take that you innelectuals. So buy it, will ya? I tell 'ya it'll split the Massengils from the Summer's Eves.
Photo: Somewhere
Mad Pimpin'
Don't let your daughter get all douchey just because her friends are. If she's acting all "mean girl," check out my latest feature for MomLogic for the expert take on how to check her right quick.
Stupid Item Of The Week
If looking like a refugee from a monastery for retired porn stars isn't enough for just YOU, you can score your DOG a Snuggie! It's "just too cute for words!" NOT!
Last week it was the "Snuggie Sauna," now this bullshit. I beg of you, opportunistic marketers from the fifth circle of hell, CEASE AND DESIST. Before I come up with a better idea.
Later!
x
The Mad Mom
Yes, and my alma mater made the top ten list of douchiest colleges, but the magazine that printed it, way douchified, so the douche calling the kettle douchey? Now, on to "tools".
Well done! Thanks for the douchetastic update. :) What really gets my goat as a writer -- with a failed book proposal under my belt, as you know -- is that Lauren Freakin' Conrad has a MULTIBOOK DEAL. And Sarah Palin? Good lord, people. Just goes to show it's more about how many books you can sell that the quality of said books.
Snuggies for dogs? OMG! And I didn't know you were from Boston! So's my hubs. It's one of my favorite towns.
Swift has her fans and they reside among teenyboppers and soccermoms who think she's a sweet girl. This isn't bad, but people need to stop attempting to use her image as justification for her awards...
She's pretty average...definitely better than Beyonce though. I noticed one of her songs sounds almost exactly the same as another song a male pop band does....buuuuut i cant remember what the song is atm!!...but does anyone know what I'm talking about? lol