What's In A Name?

Why Hello There,

I'm not going to talk about Michael Jackson, mmmmkay? Everyone else is real damn busy doing that. I did it last week for MomLogic, where the expert I interviewed predicted Debbie Rowe would go for custody before anyone else did. Jus' saying. 

And now to wipe more doo-doo off my filthy paws and onto you!

Meet Mari & Tabby Broderick

Photo by: Robin Layton for People 

Check out the cuteness that is Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. Gutchie-goo! James Wilkie looks perplexed but I'm sure he's totally psyched he won't have to share his room with these crying, pooping bitches. 

Once they move to Brooklyn, my big kid can slap him on the back, pass him a cee-gar and mull over the evils of that after his fourth of July excursion.

So what's with the names? I was thinking as with James the elder, these arbiters of style would pick classic names like Elizabeth or Charlotte, as opposed to those recounting victims of the Salem witch trials or villainous bitches from the next season of Desperate Housewives.

"Both Hodge and Elwell are family names on Parker's side," the couple's statement explains in People.

Now, I just LURVE this couple, always have. Even more since especially since they are likely moving to my neck of the woods and SJP had the good sense to option Amy Sohn's new book Prospect Park West, but why is it they've fallen in line with other celebs who feel compelled to give their children eighteen names? Granted, SJ's always gone by her first and middle, but is this the new celeb "mine's bigger?" Or is it to imply these children hail from some semblance of royalty? Paris Michael Katherine Jackson? Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck? Bastion Dom Perigato Usher Smith the XV?

It would be a great new celebrity trend to go the other way and break it all down. Keep it simple. Joe. Jack. John. Anne. Basta. Finito. 

Britney Spearowitz

Darker hair, check.

Darker skin, check.

Big specs, check.

Even bigger nips, check. 

Gleaming Star of David catching the light on suncrisp décolletage, check.

Look for her on the shores of North Miami, people! Why, it seems Brit's gone and joined the Tribe!

We now have something in common as I, too, have mated with a nice Jewish boy. Mazel! Wish you luck trying to pass that adorable, golden haired goy son of yours. He just screams of your shiksa roots.

Best Use Of Stupid Item of the Week

Meet Kai Vincent Dancer, the youngest member of The Mad Mom family.

Please note how his brilliant mom Candice found a genius way to rock the ShamWow.

Kiddie Porn

Brace yourself for a new level of kiddie porn. Take a gander as innocent lil' Bindi Irwin sings about a snake in the grass..."slithering slowly inside of me." Uh, yeah.

Gotta fly. Until next time, your faithful but ever pissy,

MAD MOM

© 2009 Vivian Manning-Schaffel. All Rights Reserved. Or Kiss. My. Ass.