Ciao!
I don't know about you all, but I am highly amused at the return of the word, "douche." Every talk show, sitcom or reality show you snap on, "douche" is featured as the word du jour.
For one, it's fun to say. Do it with me: Douche! Douche! Douche! Didn't that feel... cleansing?
At the same juncture, it's occurred to me that I might want to hold back a bit on its use until I figure out if I should be offended. After all, I am a self-proclaimed humanist who vehemently endorses the proper treatment of both genders. And as an upstanding, vagina-bearing member of the human race, I can't help but wonder if somehow me and my ilk are inadvertently disrespecting ourselves in the name of cunne-lingo.
The only way to determine is to get schooled, so let's refer to a proper definition of "douche," shall we?
Douche
A douche is a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself.
Douche usually refers to vaginal irrigation, the rinsing of the vagina, but it can also refer to the rinsing of any body cavity. A douche bag is a piece of equipment for douching--a bag for holding the fluid used in douching. To avoid transferring intestinal bacteria into the vagina, the same bag must not be used for a vaginal douche and an enema.
Slang uses
Douchebag, or simply douche, is considered to be a pejorative term in North America. In other English speaking countries the term is not well known. The slang usage of the term dates back to the 1960s.[6] The term implies a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions without malicious intent. It is generally used for males only.
First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a clean vagina. Let's just get that out of the way right now. And one would certainly hope that a douche user would understand not to insert the contents of their bowels into their baby-making parts. That's just like a sign on matches that reads, "Do not light one's self on fire."
Now, let's review the extrapolations of this slang term that have been used as of late. There's douchey, douchetastic (that's mine) and douchable. Is a big douche another way to say gaping vagina? And if so, should I be so quick to jump on that bus? I mean, I've had two children.
But what other term would suffice in referring to an idiotic, self-centered hot mess who bathes in vanity like Aqua Velva. Or, as would be more apropros in this discourse, Aqua Vulva?
Should we girls set forth some rules? Is it like the "N" word, a derogatory term only permissible by those in the group?
Nah. I say douche should be free for all. My joy in using it far outweighs any negative connotations. If we want a harsh, nasty term to refer to a bitchy man, "tampon" is a far more relevant term. After all, they are messier and are used only in times of pain and discomfort.
Ironically, each time I hear a gay bandy "fish" around, I cringe, like when I hear "panty" or "moist." It actually offends me far more than "cunt," a term I myself have been inclined to use if the situation warrants. I guess it's because a bunch of penii with no interest in vaginii feel more inclined to refer to my private treasure as possessing the stench of a rotting ocean life corpse. But it's not fair, because they've never so much as taken a whiff.
Never mind the fact that all of them sprung forth from "fish." "Douche," in the least doesn't refer to the vagina itself, but a CLEAN vagina.
Now armed with the proper definition of "douche," I've taken it upon myself to decide whose picture should appear next to the term, should it make the ranks of Webster's.
World's Most Douchetastic Celebrity Mens
Spencer Pratt: Refers to self in 3rd person, flesh colored beard growing ultra-douche.
Ryan Seacrest: Working man's douche.
Dean McDermott: Who sports a motorcycle racing outfit emblazoned with their name five seconds after taking it up? Douchetastic Deano, that's who.
John Meyer: Hot pants wearin', slutty, big mouth douche.
Susan Boyle: Spoiling her brilliant big break with diva douche demands.
Levi Johnston: Knocks up daughter of VP hopeful, splits and decides he wants to ACT.
Who would you like to add?
Giselle Is Knocked Up
According to People magazine, sources have confirmed that New England Patriot Tom Brady managed to score a field goal in Gisele Bündchen's womb.
Bündchen is expecting and "ecstatic," sources tell PEOPLE. She is due early next year.
Speculation has grown since pictures showing the supermodel in Brazil this week surfaced showing what seems to be a perceptible bump. Bündchen and New England Patriots quarterback husband were this Spring - first in a ceremony in Los Angeles Feb. 26, then exchanging vows before friends at Bündchen's Costa Rica home.
Speculation has grown since pictures showing the supermodel in Brazil this week surfaced showing what seems to be a perceptible bump. Bündchen and New England Patriots quarterback husband were this Spring - first in a ceremony in Los Angeles Feb. 26, then exchanging vows before friends at Bündchen's Costa Rica home.
Remember when Gisele told a mag that she loved Bridget Moynahan's son with Tom like her own? Now she's gone out and got her own!
Stupid Item of the Week: The Comfort Wipe!
Kid have a raging case of mud butt? Too lazy to bend over and wipe your own ass?
The sanitary solution, for just $19.99!
That's it for now ladies and gents. Happy Father's Day!
xoxo
TMM
I have decided that I want...no, need....a comfort wipe for father's day. After a long day of trying NOT to be douchtastic, I just can't find the energy to wipe my own ass. Thank you, ComfortWipe!
My goodness. Wiping my ass REALLY hurts my shoulder. Now I can put even LESS effort into an activity that requires little to no effort. Douche-a-riffic!
I have a feeling that wipe is for overweight people that can't reach their ass.
ew.
douche.
Right on sista! Douche is so underrated in the insult category. What a great word! Perfect choice with Spencer Pratt, if a word could have a spokesperson, it would be him. Only thing is I wouldn't want to insult an actual douche, at least it's got a purpose and a job.
Oh, my. Wow. Thanks for that in-depth analysis of the douche! My virgin eyes are burning. :)
I'd like to add Kanye West. Wasn't he actually quoted as saying he's not as big a douche as people think he is? Anyway, anyone who tries to sell his own book by explaining it's for people like him who NEVER READ BOOKS is a douche.
Hey nice post there. keep it going.I seriously love to browse your site.Last of all have good night
I USED to like his music. but after what he did to taylor, his music is pure crap to my ears. I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT!!!! **** YOU KANYE WEST!!!
So who’s offensively bland? People like Pete Wentz, Jay Leno and Gwen Stefani are aggressively boring to me whereas Ryan is just lovably middle-of-the-road. He’s smart too. He stays out of trouble and works hard at being America’s nice guy. It’s making him rich and making me fall in love with him.
haha, Leno is so crazy! I love him.
lol, Kanye is so crazy! I love him.
What a breath of fresh air to take the edge off after a horrible day. Very good article that really gets the point across. Thanks for sharing.
She is a totally outstanding singer. I listen to all of her songs.
Ha ha, I so admire Taylor. She is so great! I especially love that she is a true singer/songwriter unlike most of the other artists that are out there today. You go girl!