Madonna doesn't like to come home from Africa emptyhanded. Her bid to adopt a three year old girl, Chifundo "Mercy" James, was rejected by a judge who said she would not bend the country's strict residency rules even for a wealthy celebrity. This was a shocker, seeing as Malawi's child welfare minister came out Thursday in support of the singer's application.
No Mercy
Hello My Lovelies,
Oprah recently ran a "real truth about motherhood" episode, basically to pump up the network's latest baby, In The Motherhood. I have to say, most of these chicks are a bunch of whiny pussies: "I don't like early mornings," "I bathe my kids in the jacuzzi," "I cried all the way to the dealership when I bought a minivan." Shut the fuck up.
No one said that parenting is a fucking cakewalk. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it can suck as it can be glorious. We all feel better after a healthy bitch session with other mothers, but what does it solve? What are you going to do about it?
Take your life back. Trade childcare with a friend. Cash in your favors. Go out with your friends and leave your sitter or child-rearing partner with a beer and the remote. Drink heavily. Smoke something. Take a class. Do something you enjoy. Anything. Just do something for yourself. And shut the fuck up.
Speaking of shut the fuck up...my day went a little something like this...
Fried from five endless days sequestered at home with my two little tyrants, I gave into my primal need to make the noise stop. And told my kid, on no uncertain terms, to shut up.
Now when I was growing up, this phrase was bandied around my household with liberal gusto, as often as perfunctory phrases like, "It's time for dinner," or, "Don't be late for school." My mom did the dirty work, my dad worked, and the air was thick with derision and contempt. Berating one another was as natural as taking a piss. You gave as good as you got until you got the hell out.
I swore on a stack of Creem magazines that I'd never replicate this negativity when I had kids. Pfft. That was until today. I suffered a wicked migraine and my poor sort-of-sick five year old was trapped at home for three straight days with me and his little sister. Off-the-walls doesn't even begin to describe it. The kid ricocheted.
This meant no work for mommy. No gym for mommy. No time to shit-with-the-door-closed mommy. Not a mere moment of silence for mommy. Just chitter, chatter, boing, boing, boing. Non-fucking-stop.
So I broke. I did it. I'm now that asshole who did what I swore I'd never do. I'm not proud. But you know what? It didn't feel as bad as I thought it was going to. I totally get why my mom would crack on occasion. It's called HUMAN. And of all transgressions, telling your kid to shut up is piss in the wind. At least I didn't tell him to shut the fuck up, much as I may have felt so inclined. It's about the small victories, right?
My son? He tsked and chided me about my choice of language. I let him. I can't take it back. It's out there. And it's now somewhat of a legal retort for him, should he decide to include this in his vernacular. Maybe my grandkids will pass unscathed. Then again, I'm sure they'll find new and improved ways to instruct me to go fuck myself.
And Now For Some Perspective..
An AP report states that Ria Ramkissoon, a twenty-two year old religious cult member pleaded guilty last week to starving her one year old son to death after making an unusual deal with prosecutors: If the child is resurrected, her plea will be withdrawn.
The cult members stopped feeding the boy when he refused to say "Amen" after a meal. After the baby died, the mother sat next to his decomposing body and prayed for his resurrection. And when he started to decompose, she allowed her cult buddies to stuff the kid in a suitcase.
Uh, the kid was one. He probably couldn't talk. That's why he couldn't say "amen," you lobotomized jackass. Sad, sad, sad.
No Mercy
What is this, Build A Bear? You just pick a color, pick a bow, pay and get the fuck out?
She's not your little girl. This kid has a living father and grandmother, who would actually like to see her on a regular basis. Why must Madonna covet other people's goods? If she truly wants to give a child born into poverty a better life, I'm sure there are plenty in Malawi to choose from without living relatives.
Celebrity Moms Around Town
Michelle Williams, daughter Matilda and Spike Jonze at the Big Movies for Little Kids Cobble Hill Theatre...Local "Real Housewife" Alex McCord at Alison Lowenstein's book party at Book Court.
Now to shut the fuck up and drown my migraine in a bottle of red.
Later skaters!
xx
The Mad Mom
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Nice post !
Ooooo...you said the Shut-up word...you're in Biiig trouble..(lol). At least you didn't follow it up with "you g**d**m mother-effers"
mom, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mom....
Stewie is the funniest! I used to do that shit to my mom ALL the time!
oh my.... does this mark the end of our lives - when we "get" our Mother's pain and anguish???
Maybe Madonna should take some of our kids for a while... um.. I mean - have her Nanny(ies) take them.
And don't get me started on Oprah...
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