This One Is Called Rectify

I've been a hardcore Beastie Boys fan since the get-go. I know a lot of people say that, but I really have. One of the great disappointments of my formative life is opting to do my homework instead of joining my girl Carlotta in a raging food fight with them at The Palladium, back in '87. This is why I spent Friday fielding phone calls and Facebook posts from all four corners of the earth. And I know I'm far from alone. 

Aside from a genius musician, Yauch was a dedicated activist who made it all cool to pluck your head out of your rock and roll ass and motivate people to make a for real, tangible difference in the lives of others. With an earnest determination, he did this for his beloved Tibet. 

As a generation, our mourning extends to the band itself. The Beasties were the voice of pure, unadulterated escapism - the Gen X ID gone wild - who pulled off the crazy-ass feat of maturing with their audience. What started out as rap about petty theft and smoking dust evolved into lyrics about love, friendship and family, accompanied by sophisticated samplings and jazz-influenced musicianship. And with each release, right up to Hot Sauce Committee Part Two, they elevated the bar musically and lyrically, each and every time. Who can we count on to do that for us now?

My friend Dana has her own unique reverence for the band. Although she's a bit younger than I, she was raised in New York City and as a proud Jewess, the Beastie Boys helped her identify and find pride in her identity. "It wasn't cool to be a New York Jew when I was growing up," she said. "The Beastie Boys made being a New York Jew cool and current. We all looked up to them! I felt I finally had a role model." 

This hits so hard because folks my age aren't feeling like they've lost some distant rock star. We feel like we've lost a friend. I never had the pleasure of meeting Adam Yauch personally, but I've seen them live a bunch throughout their amazing, 26 year career.  I've also stood next to them, nodding our heads in concert to the groove of other bands.  Mike D lives nearby and seeing him around with his kids shifted my affections from artistic reverence to a neighborly regard. To me, he became just another dad in the neighborhood. And by proxy, so was Adam. He was a peer. A neighbor who was someone's dad and someone's husband. And as someone who's seen way too much of the asshole in black robes waving his scythe at people I love this past year, the loss feels all the more personal.

And now for something completely different. Just imagine what the Beasties would've come up with about this....

Drunk Spray!    Photo: Getty Images   

Time magazine reports French scientists have invented a "drunk spray" that causes brief intoxication with no after effects. 

No after effects? Genius! 

Just think of all the ways this product could enhance your life: 

- Karaoke lubricant

- Enduring a lengthy game of Monopoly with kids who have yet to develop a proficiency in math

- Watching golf with your in-laws

- Hangover helper when you get drunk the old school way

- Easing the pain of brain rape after a 9 alarm tantrum

- Reading/watching/listening to Republicans...and so much more!