I thought I'd heard everything. NOW I'm inclined to think I'm getting closer.
The Boston Globe reports that come fall (make that CUM-Fall) P-Town students - REGARDLESS OF GRADE - will be issued condoms upon request -- and their parents won't be the wiser. This in thanks to a new district-wide policy approved by the Provincetown school board. Along with the rubbers, kids -- EVEN THOSE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL -- will receive a lecture on abstinence and counseling.
Apparently, "officials" are saying there's no set age when sexual activity begins, so their covering their dicks -- I mean -- asses.
Mind you, this shit isn't going down with the pretense of protecting innocent victims from growing up too fast on the mean streets of Roxbury. We're talking about P-TOWN.
Um...do rubbers even fit third graders?
Call me old-school. Call me a cock-eyed optimist. Call me a fucking idiot. But I insist on living in a world where real live seXXX is far from the minds of all elementary school students, and the most action they'll get is a glimpse of Katy Perry's tee-tahs during MTV's Top 20 Video Countdown. Okay, and for 5th graders, maybe a few wide-eyed flips through the porn vault in the bowels of their parents closet.
And it's not just because my brain bleeds each time I think of my soon-to-be second grader harboring the brand of randy thoughts his dad does. As a parent, if the-powers-that-be insist on serving up condoms without question to our elementary school aged kids -- which would kind of indicate he or she was sexually active -- wouldn't you like...WANT TO KNOW? How about a call from the NURSE so you have a chance to address this life-altering shit with them, mano-a-mano?
This woman has no ass whatsoever. Try as she might to buck the norm, she's typical Hollywood - a stick with boobs, clutching a questionable beverage while her man holds her upright.
Um wait...is that actually a tortoise shell hair clip affixed to her shirt?
Idiot Of The Century
Foiled Times Square bomber asshole and "Muslim soldier" Faisal Shahzad pleaded guilty to all counts of attempted terrorism during his trial yesterday, while warning that unless the US gets the fuck away from Muslim territories, "we will be attacking US." The kicker? He only got $15k to do it. Shit, $15k can't buy you one virgin, let alone the other 71.
As this piece of shit almost left my kids orphans (did I mention my hubs and I were on a date not a few feet from this very smoking car on that fateful night?) or seriously fucked us up for the low, low price of $15k, the various acts of violent sodomy coming his way in prison will be priceless.
Stupid Law Of The Century
Poor Nicholas Pouch. All that dude wanted to do is grow his tomatoes and smoke a medically-sanctioned home-grown jay to relieve a little discomfort. But as was reported via the Associated Press yesterday, he lost custody of the step-kids he raised for 13 years as a result.
He said: "I'm an outgoing, upstanding person. I do three different farmers markets and I'm a member of the Mason County Chamber of Commerce," said Pouch, 37. "I am not an activist at all, but I have the right to use this. It aids my pain, and it allows me to function in my everyday activities, where pills and opiates don't."
The fact that weed isn't legal is stupid, stupid -- fucking stupid.
Now I'm not saying smoking weed AROUND kids is cool. Personally, I'm a keep-vices-on-the-DL kinda gal. But if given the choice of having my kids hang around adults after they've guzzled a fifth of Jack, taken a few Percs or smoked some kind, the kind wins every single time. Instead of coming home to discover cum stains on your sheets and maybe an errant hooker in your bed, all you'd find is littered Bakugan amongst a trail of Cheetos on your rug and chocolate stains on your couch.
How Many Times Have You Heard This?
I mourned audibly when "Lucky Louie" was unceremoniously yanked off of HBO a few years back -- and not just because I went to high school with the guy or because it was based in my hometown.
Check out this clip...sounds familiar, doesn't it?
He did a pretty good job of portraying the parenting experience with innate realness. So I'm psyched to see Sir CK's ideas have been embraced by the male-centric FX and as of June 29th, will be parading his slightly twisted take on the world on air once again. And with a Ricky Gervais cameo, no less.
Ciao for now! The Mad Mom is poised to piss and moan more often -- come back soon, so y'all hear?